January 6, 2011

being responsible

If there is one thing i know about myself, its that im sort of an airhead. I’m like a walking disaster. Everywhere i go shit in my life is exploding, and this last episode at the airport today is a perfect example of that. I seriously just dont care. And i dont know if i should or like what im doing wrong or if other people are doing wrong for consantly juding me for not taking care of my stuff. Sometimes i just really really wish i would lose all of my physical possesions and be homeless. Because honestly i really dont feel like i know myself. I dont appreciate all this stuff i have. These new jeans, new shirt and expensive suite jacket. i just dont get it. Its all just there to make other people happy. It has nothing to do with me. I could give a fuck about clothes - seriously.

I wish there was like a mystical person who i could consolt about this stuff. And this whole dramatic shit hole that happened today, just even more reminds me how bad i need to make sure i get a job in life that lets me be an airhead. I need to find people that are stupid enough to pay me to just think about shit and talk with people.

The reprecussions of acting like this are pretty serious. I mean i really never get stressed out. Almost never does anything get to me. I just relax. It rolls over my shoulders and im happy again, or at the very least wandering around in my thoughts again. But one thing which really drags me down is the thought of how my parents and family get SO mad at me when stuff like this happens. I call my dad and he is just flailing balls and i just dont get it. Like, am i missing something? Should i be way stressed out too? I feel like its a pretty cool quality in myself to just relax and remain focused when shit hits the fan.

I hope i see some light on this subject in the next few years of my life.

complaining session = over now 

gnight’